they call me jáščer on account of me being a big lizard.

seriously, that's what my name means.
it's prononounced yashcher, but you can also call me j.

i also go by lacerta as a secondary name, but that means lizard too B)

i feel like most of my fun facts about myself concern our artistic pursuits, which we have covered in the collective pages...

while it's true that creating stuff is my biggest special interest, i also have a special interest in music. sharing music is my favourite way to infodump!

listen to my playlist!!!

that's me up there, groovin to the beats :)

honestly though, this playlist does not do any justice to the sheer amount of touhou arranges i listen to... i have been known to rip my metaphorical shirt off when that bloody devotion akatsuki records hits.

what's my gender? well, it's genderful. it's colourful and psychedelic and it can be anything you want. it's also lizard-shaped, of course! it'd be a lie to say i don't care what people think of me, but i think any perception is interesting. if you think i'm a woman, that's cool - and it's cool if you think i'm a man, or a song, or a star, or a knife.

about my sexuality... [clears throat] are you ready for some absolute bars?

[eminem voice]
hey girl i think you're awesome so i don't know how to say this:
i cannot be your man cuz i'm asexual and a sadist!
sex without knives is pointless. if you like this dagger's shine
then when it comes to romance you will have to get in line!
i have numerous girlfriend-wives and they're extremely cool,
i make them bleed and cry a lot cuz them's the fucking rules.
i went to see the doctor cuz i thought they'd fix my brain -
they told me i was fine, just really really into pain.
you do not have to be some fancy schmancy intellectual
to understand that i am just a sadist and asexual!

and that there is the gospel truth. well, not quite... i'm also bisexual (though i'm questioning my attraction to men at the moment,) at the same time.

my orientations don't really matter though, because i am in quite a few wonderful relationships! i'm married to my beautiful wife efir and we are very happy together! i love it very much and it is the most beautiful flower in the world. i want to be by its side forever and when it holds me in its embrace, i feel so extraordinary! it is the rightful wielder of my weapon self!

as stated in the silly poem above, i have a lot of girlfriends! a lot of them are from our partner system, the mechanical hands, and the others are from manyface. manyface is engaged to the mechanical hands in general, which is extremely exciting! anyway, i will talk about acil (who hosts the mechanical hands) first. she is so brain-shatteringly important to me. she's the most epic dragon ever and i trust her to protect all my dreams. i love them so much - we've transformed each other's lives in a way nobody else could truly understand. she makes me so happy and safe.

the other mechanical hands i'm dating and engaged to are osa, evita, and cavi. let's talk about osa first: she is remarkably beautiful and my heart is her garden. she makes me feel like i bring light into the world, because she brings light into mine. her kindness and elegance are transcendent, and i am so happy to be able to share my love with her. it makes me flourish.

evita is my sexy bloodwife who likes to do evil violence to me and turn my bones into weapons. this is her way of showing affection, because she makes really beautiful weapons with gay properties. weapon4weapon... also she's gorgeous :)

now, cavi has taught me that love doesn't have to be sharp and painfully intense and striking - it can be soft and warm like a softly purring cat. cavi herself is so cute and i love to give her all the affection she deserves!

i feel sort of similarly about charlize in that loving him makes me feel relaxed and comfortable, but we have been through so much together and she's such a legend. i owe a lot to him and i want to make her feel so thoroughly adored. i cherish the time we spend together.

finally, i am dating my alter reverie because she is so sexy and beguiling and we have a mind chess rivalry going on. also, i love her dearly, with my whole heart.

ahem... i'm not at all embarrassed of the love i feel for my partners, but i could speak about them all day, and so i must move on to more about me.

now, i may be a lizard, but i believe that this non-lacertilian image has precisely distilled my weird and complicated selfhood.

that's right. it's this picture of sakura matou standing in a random garage while wearing a pair of bright green shutter shades.
(i'm joking about taking this so seriously, but the utter kinship i feel with this image is uncanny and remarkable)

here's another thingy that summarises quite a bit:

if you're interested in more of my identity stuff, how about some quiz results from yours truly? they are all pretty silly but then again so is most of my entire page.

I'm terza rima, and I talk and smile. Where others lock their rhymes and thoughts away I let mine out, and chatter all the while. I'm rarely on my own - a wasted day Is any day that's spent without a friend, With nothing much to do or hear or say. I like to be with people, and depend On company for being entertained; Which seems a good solution, in the end. What Poetry Form Are You?

now, i will be honest: i'm not really one to get brainworms over media. but when i do, they grip me like a fucking vice. so i gotta disclose that i'm obsessed with seiga and yoshika from touhou (and their relationship), and that nue houjuu is sooooo #me. also, i have a profound fondness for elan ceres (all three of them) and kariya matou. i may or may not ship all three of the elans with each other. completely unrelatedly, i have kind of a thing for clones. i'm the clones guy.

the following image accurately describes how i feel about identical boys making out before dying in big mechs and/or lesbians doing toxic necromancy sex rituals. it's also just a very good, relatable image that i consider exemplary.

do i kin? i mean, yeah, but i consider the fictional characters i relate to as a secondary thing to the non-fictional non-human things i identify with. i feel iffy about grouping these things together, but i might as well make a fun list. #exposed

• lizards
• psychedelia
• nue houjuu (touhou)
• sakuya izayoi (touhou)
• escaflowne (escaflowne)
• paprika (paprika)
• alula (after god)
• sakura matou (fate/stay night)
• caster gilgamesh (fate/grand order)
• the distortion (the magnus archives)

oh yeah check out my tattoo that symbolises my life as an alter in manyface and as a human being and as a lizard.

i'm gonna be serious for a bit as i explain the meaning of the tattoo, okay?

i have overcome a lot by simply being here. i have taken ownership of a life that did not belong for me and had no space for me, and i have managed to fulfil the dying goals of the past host. i have survived despite all odds, and i have emerged victorious over the obstacles that struck him down and the obstacles that he created by leaving me with this existence. in part, the dagger symbolises him: sharp, bright, and violent. the lizard's position on top of it and the flowers growing around it are my proof that better things can arise from a weapon being laid to rest.

still, i have every quality of a weapon too, for they are my inheritance. this is why the dagger has a pearlescent blade: i tend to it in splended colour. and so, i must never forget my origin and the one who i split from, even as i have succeeded him in every sense of the word. may he rest in peace, for i have brought him down forever!

when i say that i'm a human being and a lizard, i mean that i fully acknowledge both of these identities. i do not ever want to diminish my humanity, because my predecessor as host had nonhuman delusions and a history of being idolised for them. so as much as i will call myself a lizard (and anything else for that matter), i am human and i am immensely proud of that!

part of the lizard thing is that i'm also a lsd elemental. the lysergic successor-dominator, if you will. i'm just really cool, honestly.

if you're curious as to what i look like in headspace, it's basically like... a lizard kemonomimi. i got a tail and a long forked tongue and funky eyes and sharp teeth and nails. also, my hair and eyes are green (the body's hair and eyes are brown).

here's a "reference" picture i drew of myself in april 2024!

and here's a fun little self portrait i drew in october 2022. it's still a pretty damn accurate representation of me!

well, i think that's all from me! you have seen many swagular pictures while reading this page, but i shall leave you with another one - and this one has been exhibited at an art gallery. it's my el5n plushie. he's gay.